免费修改留学申请文书_第一周幸运儿公布

美国本科申请,美国研究所申请

College Admissions EssayBoot Camp (2)
免费修改留学文书活动开跑至今一周,大家还没有很踊跃,这时候更要赶快参加,因为中奖机会非常高喔!活动期间到12月31日,还有许多名额,想参加的朋友们,请参考活动办法

现在就来公布第一周两位中奖幸运儿的修改完稿,刚好两份都是申请美国研究所的SoP,但写作风格可能是相当不同喔。废话不多说,一起来看看你喜欢哪位编辑的修改风格吧

修改完备内可以看见 1.追踪修订痕迹(轻松比对修修前后文),2.右边是外籍编辑的整体评价跟细部评价(例如单字选择或冗句删除的原因)。
*修改标准为官网付费标准


第一份文件:由编辑Kypros修改

Comment:
This personal statement is well-written, readable, and positively portrays you. I edited your work for grammar and punctuation, to smooth out flow, fix awkward phrasing, improve tone, and chose alternate words and phrases for clarity and persuasiveness. I’ve also asked questions and comments where your further input could improve this even more.

修改完稿:
Wordvice_First week_SoP_1


第二份文件:由编辑Josh修改

Comment:

Thanks so much for letting me help you with this statement of purpose.
Overall, you’ve presented yourself very well; however, your essay can use some specificity. By this, I mean that you should stick with one topic and really explain it in detail. This can be a research project – and be sure to focus on your results and analyses, rather than just the topic – or a related story, but the admissions committee is looking for specific experience, skills, and personality traits that match with their faculty and students. Thus, you need to explain in detail what you’ve done, what you’ve learned, and what you can contribute to their program.

修改完稿:
First week_SoP_2

 

 

*本活动已经获得文稿作者同意,删除个人信息后公开部分内容作为营销用途。转载内文请注明出处,Wordvice保有中止或修改本活动之所有权利。

 

 

 

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